


give me love

by scionavarielle



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-25 06:13:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3799879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scionavarielle/pseuds/scionavarielle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik doesn’t know what brings him there</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically this is how fucked up my mind right now. Haha.  
> Sorry to the anon who requested a fluffy one. I'll make it to that when I got my fluffy feeling again. /grins

Useless is the definition when you can’t contribute anything for your team. Useless is when you could only sit down and watch your club – _family –_ to lose yet again. Useless is when Erik saw Lewy scored that goal against his club – Dortmund, BVB, Borussia – and led his boyfriend’s (and yes Lewy is Erik’s boyfriend but let’s not discuss this again) to another winning.

It is more than useless, _helpless_ perhaps or _devastated_. Erik doesn’t know if there’s even a word could describe how he’s feeling right now. He could blame the referee – that some of the chances could happen if only the referee’s being fair. However, Erik knows that on the field the referee is the _truth_ – _the whole fucking truth_ even if sometimes it’s not entirely.

And Erik could only watch his teammates head down in despair. Lewy – as always – comes after Marco and gives a hug to which the blonde ignores it. It gives a pang inside Erik’s heart. Not only because they _lost_ , but also because Lewy always comes to Marco – _always_. Sometimes, perhaps if given under different circumstances Erik wants to know if Lewy will choose him – a good for nothing defender – or Marco – the rising star from Dortmund, the hero?

He has been in doubt with himself lately, because he’s not been used on the first line up and sort. But it is also about his relationship with Lewy. He knows that it’s not going to be easy – _it never is_ – when after three months being together, Lewy moves to Bayern and ever since then they barely speaks, mostly because of their schedules but mostly because –

Erik closes the tumblr app on his cell phone. Sure, he doesn’t have any social media, but it’s the _official_ one. Sometimes, he believes that the other teammates also have that private account they hide from the public. Erik is one of them. Well, he uses the apps to find the updates about them, if there’s anything important worth to be concerned. He remembers when before the fans are all curious about his girlfriend’s identities. He chuckles to that slightly but then frowns back again.

He has told Lewy about that, of course. He knows that they could not be in a monogamy relationship, what with Lewy himself already with Anna, but that’s different. Anna knows about Lewy and Erik and smiles and supporting them (though it doesn’t help Erik’s jealous with their beautiful romance). But this girlfriend of him is actually another story, but Erik doesn’t really want to mention about that. For all he remembers, Lewy seems fine with that if it’s what needed to _cover_ their relationship.

 _“As long as you’re mine when there’re just two of us, I don’t mind sharing you at the public with her. It’s only fair, after all,”_ was what Lewy said to him.

Erik sighs at that. He considers if his relationship – if any of this – is healthy for him. It’s like every time with Lewy, he has to be someone different, someone higher than his own standard to match up with Lewy.

Nights like this, he prefers to cuddle on his bed and just sleeps through it. Doesn’t help that he has seen pictures of Lewy celebrating with Bayern – Thomas and Jerome especially, oh and probably adds Juan to the list – after the winning against Porto at tumblr before. Sometimes, he is curious if somehow Lewy remembers of _him_ , of BVB or if all has been in the past. Judging from what he has found on some articles and some pictures on tumblr and other social media, perhaps it _is_. Perhaps Lewy has moved on, finding a new _home_ , a _better ship_.

If their conversations are short in just a five minute phone talk or some text messages, their meeting time is even worse. Erik couldn’t even remember the last time he has a date with Lewy or just _hanging out together_ , like they usually say to public.

He recalls his talk to Lewy last night, brief, and he only managed to congratulate Lewy before the man hung up.

_._

_“Lewy? Congrats, you guys were good and – “_

_“Erik? Hey, sorry, but can I catch up later? The boys are going to celebrate and Pep wants to talk, I’ll call you in a while, okay?”_

‘ – do you want to go out tomorrow?’ hasn’t even been said.

(There is even not a single text after that even though Erik has been staying up all night with his phone next to him)

.

Staring at his cellphone for an hour now, he is not sure if he wants to this – he _needs_ to, he knows. It’s unhealthy for him and if it goes on, he might hate himself even more. Therefore, with his skillful fingers, he types those three (or is it four?) words and sends it without thinking before he changes his mind.

It’s a coward thing to do. Instead of telling it face to face, he chooses to do it over phone because he’s not sure if he can speak up his mind eyes-to-eyes. He sighs, leaning back on his sofa, eyes on the ceiling, his phone is long forgotten next to him. Closing his eyes, he dozes off to sleep, tired of everything. He doesn’t realize the buzzing comes from his phone.

.

To: Lewy  
Let’s break up

.

From: Lewy  
Okay

. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik doesn’t know what brings him there

Erik doesn’t know what brings him there. All he could remember is him asking Matze to drop him to the hospital. After some selfies with his teammates and congratulating one another, Erik is supposed to join them, but instead here he is, at the hospital with some of the Bayern teammates.

When they notice him, some are looking in anger, some in confusion, and some just choose not to care.

Fips is the one who approaches him and takes him to somewhere at the corner. Perhaps the captain just doesn’t want any _bloodshed_ in the hospital. Fips doesn’t say anything though. He just stays there with Erik, who looks so worried.

No ‘everything will be alright’ is said because Erik knows better than Fips telling him some make up lies. He does hope it’ll be alright though.

“I heard you broke up with Lewy,” Fips said after their moment of silence.

To say Erik is startled is the right word. Somehow he has known that the moment he saw his (ex) captain, he would be asked that question. Not that it makes it any less surprising though. He only nods to that question, avoid staring at Fips’ eyes. He doesn’t even ask where Fips knew about that. Maybe it’s from Lewy or maybe it’s from someone he has told – either Mats or Matze, or anyone.

“He regretted it, he came to me right after he texted you.”

“Doesn’t look like regretting to me,” Erik says bitterly. He’s not trying to be a drama queen or something right then, but he’s not coming to the hospital to talk about his break up with Lewy. Mats just patted him when he told the news to the captain. Matze looked concern as if Erik would cry anytime soon (he did though, he just didn’t tell Matze).

Fips wants to ask something again but the doctor comes out and the captain stops himself. Erik actually wants to follow Fips to know about Lewy’s condition but he thinks it’s for the best if he stays there for a while. He sees the team gets inside along with Anna, who has been sitting there, probably hasn’t realized Erik. He just hopes that everything is going to be alright and then after that he can go home and sleep. That’s it. He _needs_ to make sure that Lewy is fine so he can have a sleep.

 _But why_?

He’s just worried, that is. As a _friend_.

Yeah, right.

“Erik?” It is Anna’s voice that lifts his head up to the commotion. She smiles at Erik and somehow gestures at him to come closer to them – the Bavarians, the manager, the doctor, and her. “Congrats,” Anna says when he has stood beside her. He is welcomed by a warm hug and for once Erik feels so relieved, he doesn’t understand why.

“Robert is a tough man.” Anna winks at Erik but he knows that she’s not even sure with her own words. Trying to be strong for him, for everyone. This is the woman whom Lewy has _chosen_. Who is he to think he could surpass her?

“How – how is he?” He gulps, unsure with his words. Bastian looks worried, Xabi looks like he’s going to be mad anytime soon. Thomas is avoiding Erik’s eyes. Fips is still the only one who approaches him along with Anna.

“Could heal in 4 or 5 days, but will see if he needs more than that.” Fips says, calm but nervous.

“What is it?” Erik tries to pry more because the tone that Fips is using means there’s something more than that.

Anna exchanges look with Fips, unsure how to deliver whatever it is. Anna is the one who finally breaks the silence after a long agonizing wait. “The doctor said he might have some memories lost, but not sure which part.” When Erik looks like he still doesn’t quite understand, Anna continues, heaves a sigh. “Erik, I believe Lewy is thinks that you guys are still dating.”

His mouth gasps, eyes couldn’t even blink. “What?” He asks, anxious.

“He asks for you when everyone’s out,” Anna answers, nodding to the door. “Do you want to go inside? I’m sure he would want to talk to you.”

There’s no ‘please’ said but Erik could feel it from Anna’s tone and the way her eyes looking at him. Fips opens the way and Erik knows that either way he has to do this. Besides, he _has to_ make sure Lewy is alright, right?

With all what brought him to the hospital, he takes a step to the room. Ignoring the stares from the others, he proceeds to get inside. Once in, he finds Lewy sitting, leaning on the headboard (or whatever it is called).

“Erik.” Lewy’s smile is so wide that Erik could somehow choke inside. That is one of the reasons why Erik falls for Lewy. That smile which brings comfort to Erik.

“How are you feeling?” Erik asks, hesitantly walks closer to the bed.

“Worst,” Lewy tries to chuckle but only manages to form a smile. Erik then sits beside Lewy, but there’s a great distance between them. Unlike before when he would lean closer to Lewy and hold the Polish’s hand. “Congrats,” Lewy says. “For winning.”

Nodding to that, Erik still doesn’t say anything.

He could only stare at those blue eyes, mesmerized by them.

“I’m sorry,” Lewy says again.

Blinking, Erik asks. “What?”

“I wanted to comfort you after der klassiker before, but I got caught by the team.”

Erik is tempting to say, “Yeah? But you look so happy when you hung up before.” But he just nods as a reply.

“I’ve done something, haven’t I? Something stupid, I suppose.” Lewy continues, eyes still locked at Erik’s.

The younger of the two looks down. He thinks that it’s a stupid idea to go there. He should be with the team and just enjoy the celebrations – not here with wounded eyes looking at him.

“Do you mean it?” That question surprises Erik. He doesn’t expect that coming. Lifting up his face to meet Lewy’s finally.

“What do you mean by that?”

Lewy sighs. He turns his head to stare at the ceiling. “That message, you ask to break up.”

Wait, why did Lewy remember? Didn’t Anna and Fips say that – “How could you still remember? Anna and Fips told – “

“It’s a short term memory lost, or whatever it is. I just forgot but then I remembered now. We are not together anymore, are we?”

It takes Erik some moments before nodding. He has some debates inside his mind, thinking that it might be a second chance, but then. What second chance he could have when he didn’t even have that chance at the very first place?

“I was so stupid, I don’t want to lose you,” Lewy’s voice is cracking.

“Then why did you agree?” Erik wants to shout, to be mad at the man in front of him who has made Erik’s life upside down.

“I thought you have a change of heart –“

“Wh – what?”

“Maybe with Mats, who’s there for you or Jonas, who _needs_ you, or maybe Matthias, your friend. I don’t know. I just think –“

“That’s exactly why!” Erik shouts for the first time. He can’t help but want to pour his heart. “You think?! You think that I’m alright when you told me that we’re going to spend time together but your team asked you out and we had to cancel it? You think I’m fine when I looked at you, scoring against ou – my team? You think that I’m not feeling helpless when I can just see you’re _flying_ so high that I am afraid I can’t reach you anymore? Do you think that I’m okay when I saw your interactions with _them_?!”

Erik doesn’t mention who ‘them’ are. He doesn’t even know right now what makes him so angry. He’s supposed to be caring to a sick man, but man Erik should just walk out – like how Lewy did that to their relationship.

“I’m sorry,” Erik apologizes for his outbursts. Even though he’s not sorry for telling his feeling, he’s sorry for saying that when Lewy is not in the best condition. “I’ll just –“ He stands up and turns around to the door.

However, his wrist is being hold – the first touch he gets that day. Staring back at Lewy, Erik waits for the older man to say something. “Please, I’m not some weak person who’s made of glass. I can take the beats, the hits, and the mocking, another shouting over my stupidity doesn’t make it any different.”

“It’s not that – “

“I know it’s shit but I am truly sorry. I never know that you feel like that, like you’re some _shit_ that you are _nothing_ to me. You are not, Erik, I swear, you are –“

“Stop, just – just stop.” Erik attempts to pull himself but Lewy’s grab is so tight. Huh, talk about a sick person.

“Let’s make a bet then,” Lewy says, filled with hopeful. Erik’s still makes Lewy continues. “The next time I play and I score, I’ll ask you out again and we’ll celebrate it.”

“You mean?”

Lewy nods. “Either it’s against Barcelona or any club, as long as it’s the first match and I score, I’ll ask you out to celebrate.”

“You’ll celebrate with your teammates.” Erik pouts slightly.

“Then I’ll be the most stupid person I’ll ever be.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t know, but I will remember this.”

“You’ll regret it, why else did you agree to my request to break up if you never think of it?” Erik snaps.

Lewy sighs. “I told you, I thought you _wanted_ it. Clearly I was being out of my mind. Please?”

“If you don’t score, it’s over?” Hesitantly, Erik asks the other possibility.

Watching the change expression of Lewy, Erik knows the man hasn’t considered about the other option – or maybe he does?

“Then I’ll just have to wait for another match and score.” Lewy grins widely and Erik could only shake his head. So much for being worried.

“This doesn’t mean we’re back together though.” The blonde warns, though it’s clearly shown that he only half means it.

The Polish nods to that, agreeing to that, though by the smirk plastered on Lewy’s face, Erik doubts it. Sighs. He couldn’t even bring himself to understand what has just happened, but perhaps he doesn’t hate this outcome. Well, at least he could sleep at ease.

(Though he might feel a bit guilty to hope that Lewy will score).

.

.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading! :)


End file.
